30 Questions to Ask Grandma About Family Recipes

Every family has a dish nobody else can make. Your grandma's stuffing. Your dad's chili. The cookies your aunt brings and won't explain.

The recipe usually isn't written down. It lives in one person's hands, and "a little of this until it looks right" doesn't survive a move, a bad memory, or a funeral. The fix is simple and a little awkward: sit down with them and ask. Here are the questions that actually get the recipe out of someone's head, and what to do with the answers.

The Short Answer

To save a family recipe, interview the person who cooks it. Ask what goes in, how much, how they know it's done, and where the recipe came from. Record the conversation with their permission, then cook the dish once from your notes and check it with them. Thanksgiving is the best time to do it, because the cook and the dish are in the same room. Start collecting now, finish at Thanksgiving (or any family dinner before December), and order by December 4 to give a printed family cookbook for Christmas.

The 5 questions that matter most:

• How much of each ingredient, roughly? Show me with your hands.
• How do you know when it's done? What does it look, smell or sound like?
• What's the step people always get wrong?
• Who taught you to make this?
• Can I cook this for you and you tell me what I got wrong?

Before You Start

A few things make the interview go better:

• One dish at a time. "Tell me about your stuffing" works. "Tell me all your recipes" gets you a shrug.
• Record it. Ask first, then use your phone's voice memo app. You'll miss things if you only take notes, and their voice is worth keeping on its own.
• Do it while they cook, if you can. People forget steps when they describe a dish. They don't forget them when their hands are doing it. Stand next to them and ask "what's that?" every time they add something.
• Bring a measuring cup. When they pour flour "until it's enough," catch it in a cup first, then hand it back. That's how a handful turns into a recipe.
• Keep it short. Twenty minutes per dish is plenty. Come back next week for the next one. People tire out long before the recipes run out.

Questions About the Ingredients

• 1. What goes in it? Walk me through everything, even the things that seem obvious.
• 2. How much of each, roughly? Show me with your hands if that's easier.
• 3. Is there a brand you always buy? What happens if you use a different one?
• 4. Is there anything you add that isn't in the written version?
• 5. What can you swap if you can't find something?
• 6. Has the recipe changed over the years? What did it used to have?

Questions About the Method

• 7. What do you do first?
• 8. What size pan or pot do you use? Can I see it?
• 9. What temperature, and for how long?
• 10. How do you know when it's done? What does it look, smell or sound like?
• 11. What's the step people always get wrong?
• 12. Is there anything you do the day before?
• 13. What do you do differently when you make a double batch?
• 14. What's the one thing I should never skip?

Questions About the Story

These are the answers you'll be glad you have in ten years. They also become the note at the top of each recipe in the book.

• 15. Who taught you to make this?
• 16. When did you first make it yourself?
• 17. When does the family eat it? Which holiday or which Sunday?
• 18. Who asks for it the most?
• 19. Is there a time it went wrong? What happened?
• 20. Did you change anything from the way your mom made it?
• 21. What do you think about when you make it?
• 22. Is there anyone you make it for who isn't here anymore?

Questions About Everything Else

• 23. What do you serve it with?
• 24. How long does it keep? Does it freeze?
• 25. How many people does it feed?
• 26. Is there another dish of yours I should write down while we're at it?
• 27. Who else in the family has a recipe I should ask about?
• 28. Is there a recipe you wish you'd asked someone for, and didn't?
• 29. Do you have any old recipe cards or notebooks I could photograph?
• 30. Can I cook this for you next month and you tell me what I got wrong?

That last one matters most. Your first try from interview notes will be close but not right. Cook it, bring it to them, and ask. By the second try, most people say "that's it."

How to Turn the Answers Into a Recipe

An interview gives you a rambling recording, not a recipe. Here's how to get from one to the other.

1. Listen back once and write the ingredient list. Put amounts next to each, even rough ones like "about a cup."
2. Write the steps in order, in their words where you can. "Stir until it looks like wet sand" is more useful than any technical term, because it tells you what to look for, and it sounds like them when you read it later.
3. Add the "how do you know it's done" answer to the step it belongs to.
4. Put the story on top. One or two lines: whose recipe it is, and when the family makes it.
5. Cook it, then fix it. Change the amounts to what actually worked.
6. Photograph the original card if there is one. The handwriting is worth keeping even after you've typed it up.

If you use Aldenté, you can add each one by voice, by typing, or by snapping a photo of a handwritten card, and it comes back as a recipe you can search and edit. If you'd rather keep it simple, a shared document works too. The important part is getting it out of one person's head.

Get the Whole Family to Add Theirs

You don't have to interview everyone yourself. Once you have the first few, make it a group project.

• Make a shared cookbook. In Aldenté, you can invite relatives as co-owners of one cookbook, and each person adds their own dishes straight into it. Sending invites takes Premium; accepting one is free. Everyone who adds recipes needs the app, which is on iPhone and iPad only.
• Send them the questions. Share this page with a cousin who lives near Grandpa. Ask them to record one dish.
• Give everyone a dish. "Can you get Uncle Rob's ribs?" works better than "everyone send recipes."

For more on keeping a family's recipes in one place, see our guide to family recipe sharing apps.

From Interview to Printed Cookbook by Christmas

Here's a timeline that works if you start at Thanksgiving.

Those order-by dates are our suggestions for an Aldenté book, with room for December mail. For Australia and New Zealand, order by November 27 for standard shipping or December 7 for express. The full list, plus how other print services compare, is in how to turn recipes into a printed cookbook.

An Aldenté printed cookbook is a hardcover ($39), softcover ($29) or coil-bound ($39) book of up to 100 pages, with extra pages 10 cents each. Shipping is free when you order 2 or more books, which is handy when every sibling wants a copy. You can add a dedication page and ship it straight to the person you're giving it to. See printed cookbooks for the details.

Not sure a cookbook is the right gift? Here's why it beats another kitchen gadget.

Frequently Asked Questions

What questions should I ask my grandma about her recipes?

Ask what goes in the dish and roughly how much, how she knows when it's done, what pan she uses, and what step people get wrong. Then ask who taught her, when the family eats it, and who asks for it most. Record the conversation with her permission, and if you can, ask while she's cooking.

How do I write down a recipe from someone who doesn't measure?

Cook with them and catch each ingredient in a measuring cup or spoon before it goes in. Write down how they know each step is done, like the color, smell or texture. Then cook it yourself from your notes and ask them what you got wrong.

What's the best way to collect family recipes for a cookbook?

Interview the cooks one dish at a time, photograph any old recipe cards, and ask relatives to add their own recipes to one shared place. A shared cookbook in a recipe app, or a shared document, keeps you from becoming the bottleneck. Cook each recipe once before it goes in the book.

When should I start a family cookbook to give for Christmas?

Start collecting recipes by Thanksgiving. For an Aldenté printed cookbook shipped to the US, UK or Canada, order by December 4 for standard shipping or December 14 for express. Australia and New Zealand need about a week more.

What if my grandparent's memory is fading?

Keep sessions short, and cook the dish alongside them, since hands often remember what words don't. Photograph any recipe cards or notebooks first. Then ask a sibling or cousin who ate the dish often to fill in the gaps. Write down what you do know even if it's incomplete: "as best as anyone remembers" is still worth a page.

One Last Thing

The hardest part isn't the cooking or the printing. It's asking. It can feel strange to sit your grandma down and say "I want to write this down before it's gone." Ask anyway. The usual answer is a pause, then "nobody's ever asked me that," and then twenty minutes you'll be glad you recorded. Ask this Thanksgiving.